Writer of the Month | NewsBiscuit

The Writer of the Month award was introduced in 2008 to honour excellence in the heating and ventilation industry – no, hang on: ‘to acknowledge the talents and efforts of those writers who have made the best contribution to the site over the previous month’.

The lucky winner gets added to our Hall of Fame and their name engraved on the large marble plaque in our plush West London headquarters. Our very own Throngsman has kindly provided a summary of who is in the lead for this month. Russian hackers beware!

This Month's Winner: Deskpilot

So, here is the ROLL OF HONOUR, ROGUES’ GALLERY AND INTERPOL’S ‘MOST WANTED’ 2006-today

Mary

Mary contrived her ingenious nom de plume after unearthing an historic text in her loft, later discovered to be her own birth certificate.

Neal Doran

Nealdoran’s likes include sunset walks on the beach and world peace, while his dislikes include negative people, war, and cellulite.

Oxbridge

Oxbridge retired from satire to spend more time with his family. His family has promised to get him back into satire as soon as they can.

Squudge

Squudge, when not growing obscene vegetables on her allotment, she can be found feeding tidbits to the attack-swans, in preparation for the revolution that is to come.

IanSlat

Ianslat’s advice to anyone wanting to write is “don’t work in insurance”.
It won’t help you write, but it’s still excellent advice.

Genghis Cohen

Genghis Cohen is a born winner and renowned military strategist, having beaten millions of rivals to be named World’s Best Dad last Father’s Day.

Skylarking

Skylarking has developed something of a cult following over the last few years since leaving the Church of Scientology with the negatives in his bag.

ThePaperOstrich

The Paper Ostrich is a latecomer to the world of writing for pleasure, having previously viewed it with the suspicion of the peasant.

DarkBill

Darkbill’s hobbies include wealth, power, making witches hats, hill-walking and murder. Her only dislikes are sprouts, the M11 and the song ‘Pipes of Peace’

Des Custard

Des Custard is currently serving a stretch in Tunbridge Wells; he was lured onto the wrong side of the tracks and is still trying to find his way back.

Roy Bland

RoyBland agrees with Kingsley Amis that, ‘If you can’t annoy somebody, there’s little point in writing’, but has to be careful not to alienate his teashop customers.

Lucidity

Ludicity was abandoned as a child and raised by a family of otters. This year he secured a worldwide patent. He now owns the rights to everything.

Stoopy De Gunt

Stoopy De Gunt says if his writing ever does bring about world peace, he’d like to be a beauty contestant.

JP1885

JP1885 lives deep in the wilds of Herefordshire and will continue to write articles and one-liners for your delectation – court order or no court order.

La Maga

La maga is committed to attacking trees with chainsaws until the publishing industry offers to do so instead. One way or another those trees will meet their maker.

Golgol13

Golgol13 left Japan with an appreciation for patience, karaoke and communal bathing; but now libels his friends by using their names in Newsbiscuit articles.

Stan Laurel

Stan Laurel’s been writing since the black and white era. By day he pretends to be an insurance consultant. On the weekends he pretends to be a husband and father.

Vertically Challenged Giant

Vertically Challenged Giant is no stranger to receiving awards for literature. Aged 8 he won a notepad and pen after coming second in a primary school poetry contest.

Antharrison

Antharrison here with his twin brother, is the one who doesn’t look like he has just murdered someone. In his spare time Ant does whatever he likes because he’s unemployed.

Bonjonelson

Bonjonelson is mild-mannered web programmer by day, and slighly less well-manered web programmer in the evenings – who grew up in Wimbledon but hates tennis.

Rickwestwell

Rickwestwell has been a burlesque performer and acrobat since accidentally sawing his father in half in a tragic gardening accident.

Uncle Bertie

Uncle Bertie is one of only a handful of people to have ever seen John O’Farrell live on stage. Quite honestly, you could have sat anywhere.

Jamsieoconnor

Jamsieoconnor spends his time campaigning against the barbaric practice of cats eyes being removed for road safety purposes.

NewBiscuit

NewBiscuit says any similarity to the name of this website is purely coincidental. NewBiscuit was born in a time before the internet existed.

BAJDixon

BAJDixon is Wolverhampton’s cultural attache to the south and lists his hobbies as catching, wearing navy blue clothes and the illicit trans-boundary movement of hazardous waste.

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Writer of the Year 2021: SteveB

Writer of the Year 2022: Wrenfoe

Writer of the Year 2023: Deskpilot

Writer of the Year 2024: Deskpilot

Category winners for 2024

Front Page

News in Brief

Eppusimuove

Wrenfoe

Headlines

Deskpilot

Features

Lockjaw

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Cartoon of the Year: Modelmaker

This Month's Winner: Deskpilot

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Lonely Hearts

Lonely Hearts

Writer of the Year 2021: SteveB

Writer of the Year 2022: Wrenfoe

Writer of the Year 2023: Deskpilot

Writer of the Year 2024: Deskpilot

Category winners for 2024

Front Page

News in Brief

Eppusimuove

Wrenfoe

Headlines

Deskpilot

Features

Lockjaw

Collaborator

FlashArry

Cartoon of the Year: Modelmaker

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