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Zoos reopen – 2 metre distancing from lions, just enough to give you a head start.




Boris Johnson has announced that safari parks will open on June 15th and insisted that a two-metre exclusion zone should provide the hungry lions with a bit of fun. Covid restrictions still mean you cannot take a giraffe to the cinema – primarily, as their head gets in the way.


One Zookeeper remarked: ‘I already wear a face mask when I’m around the chinchillas, as they hate bad teeth. I wash my hands twice after fondling a lemur, because they’re dirty little bastards. A strict two metre distance from the penguins, is safe but, hold on…lions, tigers and bears – oh my!’




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