Roman Emperor Constantine III briefed reporters today on the planned troop withdrawal from Britannia.
He said:- “We are proud have having brought peace and civilisation to an island full of pagan euro-sceptics.
However, with the current Empire balance of payments crisis, we can no longer afford to spaff 10m denarii a year up against Hadrians Wall, even if it does keep out the very worst of the barbarians.
When we leave, Britannia must not become a breeding ground for terrorism, or heaven forbid badly behaving football supporters.
I called a meeting of Cobra but it just hissed and tried to bite me. I intend to recall the Senate to approve my decision. Ha ha only joking – they will do whatever I tell ‘em.”