A summary of things that will be achieved this week would be shorter than a list of Bashar al-Assad's Christmas visitors, it has emerged.
The end now in sight, there's every sign that UK employees have pivoted en masse to the traditional festive phase of simply making tea until the clock runs down.
'I have been refreshing my Insta feed for 4 hours' said teacher Kath Took, who didn't even bother to launch Outlook this morning and has not arrived at lessons. 'I'm hoping to be caught and sent home but my boss has closed her blinds. I'm pretty sure she's drinking in there.'
'I unplugged my phone cord last Friday and pushed it into a satsuma on my desk' admitted IT analyst Rod Flynn. 'No one has called me out, although admittedly they can't reach me through the satsuma. I don't know how long I've been here or what I've been looking at on the Internet, though I'm prepared to soil myself it it means I can leave. Oh, it looks like that's what I've been Googling, actually.'
Christmas 'downtime' costs the British economy a certain amount of money each year, so look it up on Wikipedia or start writing that novel.
Image: mairaali1121 - Pixabay