The WFA, the governing body of women’s football in Britain, proudly announced today that women footballers are officially now “every bit as vile as the male ones”.
“In the past, if you heard a footballer had got so drunk they’d thrown up in a cab, refused to pay for it to be cleaned up, then racially abused the police officer who arrested them, you’d have assumed it was a male player,” said spokeswoman Jessica Diesel. “Probably one who plays for Chelsea.
“But now that Sam Kerr has done all those things, no one can deny that female players have become every bit as entitled, spoiled and generally obnoxious as their male counterparts. It’s an important step towards equality in the modern game, all the more impressive as they’re doing it for much less money.
“Of course, it’s still a Chelsea player, but some things will never change.”
However, some have pointed out that parity with the male game won’t be achieved until a prominent player has an affair with another one’s wife, leading to enormous tension in the dressing room and some very explicit chants from opposing supporters. Sam Kerr replied that after a couple more vodka and Red Bulls, she’d be happy to oblige.
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