American vice-presidential candidate JD Vance has provided a positive blurb for a forthcoming book that advocates for the return of witch trials in the United States. Publication of the book, entitled Let's Bring Back Witch Trials in the United States, has now been delayed.
Vance's campaign has tried to distance the embattled Ohio Republican from the contentious volume. ‘JD Vance is too busy combatting the global menace of woke wokeism to read the titles or contents of the books he endorses,’ said a campaign spokesperson.
The book argues that witch trials have been unfairly tarred by ‘the America-hating left-wing press,’ and that the trials were ‘a humane and effective way of forestalling Satan's manipulations of the weaker sex.’ The book concludes that ‘burning at the stake’ remains ‘an appropriate sanction’ for convicted witches, and that America's abandonment of the controversial punishment ‘was the first disastrous step on the path to today's fatally flawed culture of permissiveness.’
When asked whether Vance agreed with the views expressed in the book, the Vance spokesperson said, ‘JD Vance never shies away from contemplating the hard truths about our sick society.’ The spokesperson called back a few minutes later to ask, ‘Can I change my answer to no comment?’
Desperate to be rid of the scandal-plagued Vance, the Trump presidential campaign is beginning to consider extreme measures. 'Maybe we can maroon him on the international space station, or better yet, get him stuck in New York City traffic,' said a source with the campaign as he commenced what he called his ‘regularly scheduled day drinking.'
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