The United States has confirmed that it is pursuing prosecuting former President Trump because it had 'fallen way behind the UK'. The United Kingdom has taken to prosecuting its heads of government recently with viscous fixed penalty notices for £80 that 'really hurt, especially the very, very rich'. The United States is thought to be considering following other progressive UK practises, such as self harm at a national level.
'Nobody but the Brits screw themselves like they do,' said a US politician today. 'We're planning to rip up all our trade agreements, put a skewer right through our economy, crash our healthcare system and funnel as much public cash to a few senior members of Congress,' he said before an aide pointed out that the third and fourth items on his list had been government policy for decades.