The US announced today that it’s officially contracting out its foreign policy to Israel.
“It’s not such a big change really,” said White House spokesman Kilgore Strangelove. “We already do exactly what Israel wants in any given situation - we spend almost as much on their military as we do on our own, veto any sanctions against Israel in the UN or anywhere else, and now we’ll support them against the International Criminal Court too. This despite the damage it does to our own reputation, not to mention earning the hatred of the whole Muslim world.
”So really, this just makes official what we were doing anyway.”
The move means Jerusalem will now be able to say that US denounces any new move against Israel, or Netanyahu personally, as “antisemitic” without needing to check first whether it actually does. It’s thought the new arrangement will save “several seconds”, since there’s not the least doubt it would have done so anyway.
image from pixabay