Both main political parties are backing new legislation to limit the scope of industrial action to just leap years and during a full moon. The government explained: 'Your name must have an X and a Q in it, you must be over 7ft tall and you have to hold your breath for over 3 minutes.'
Unions have complained that this is restricting the right to protest, particularly the bit about having to wear a gag: 'We've been told all picket lines need grade eight in violin and we have to pat our head and rub our tummy at the same time.'
An MP said: 'Furthermore, you will not be allowed to strike, if you have a job.'