The nasty head of a criminal gang in a 6 part TV drama is inevitably going to have an unusual and quirky pastime that you wouldn't expect him to have at all, scriptwriters have confirmed.
The evil gangland boss, responsible for importing billions of pounds and drugs and causing misery and death across inner cities through a complex network of dealers, enforcers and hitmen, will invariably enjoy pruning roses in his garden, playing indoor bowls in his village hall, or clumsily trying to learn a new foreign language on Duolingo.
'Us mafia and gang bosses may all look really, really hard, but actually we're just like you', said Mike 'Fingers' McBride, of a well-known Manchester drugs cartel.
'There's nothing I like more of an evening than reading a bit of Tennyson, and going on my PC to build a new playroom in the made-up house I've constructed on The Sims 4. That's after I've ripped a few toes off some low life snitch with a pair of pliers. Got to get the day job done first, of course.'
'Times are changing, and we have to change with them', admitted veteran crime drama scriptwriter Daisy McDaid. 'Viewers want to see a nicely rounded drug baron. Going forward, all crime dramas will be expected to give at least 20% of screen time to the development of your gang leader's soft skills and hobbies. Trips to see Les Mis at the theatre, doing jigsaws at home, collecting those little ornaments you see advertised in the Radio Times, that kind of stuff'.
'The exception will be Vera', continued McDaid. 'Here, all gangland bosses will continue to be unreformed hard bastards who drink a lot of whisky, usually played by that really sinister looking old guy, whose accent you can't quite pin down, but is probably Scottish.'
Picture credit: Wix AI