Donald Trump’s bloodied and bandaged right ear has expressed disappointment after the former president named JD Vance as his running mate.
‘Got to admit, I’m feeling a little let down here’, admitted the mangled ear. ‘He’s left me hanging - not unlike how I was on Saturday night too, to be fair’.
‘I mean, what more can I do?’, continued the disgruntled ear. ‘It’s me who’s responsible for his 5 point bounce in the polls. I’ve loyally sat there on the side of his orange face, listening to all the crap that comes out of his mouth for the last 78 years. I’ve been his right hand man, or lobe, at least.’
‘While he’s been waxing lyrical about immigration and Making America Great Again, I’ve been producing a tonne of wax of my own. Never appreciated.’
‘And everyone knows I’m the only part of Trump that can offer any sort of balance’.
‘I’m responsible for sending electrical pulses to his brain after sound enters the ear. A massive cochlea? Some have described Trump as that, but I couldn’t possibly comment’.
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