Plans by the President to inject disinfectant into Covid-19 patients has been inspired by his own predilection for sniffing nail polish remover and snorting bath salts. A renowned teetotaller, Mr. Trump has secretly been getting high on super-glue, butane and drinking extra-strong cough syrup, by the barrel.
His briefings to journalists have been getting more erratic, as he insists on mixing Benadryl with Red Bull. Most of his scientific advice has been under the influence of felt-tip markers and a hallucinogenic session involving nutmeg.
Trump also explained that UV light would destroy Coronavirus – along with garlic and crucifixes. Inhaling strongly from a paper bag, said one Health Official: ‘Obviously injecting disinfectant directly into your body can cause irreversible side effects; including liver, kidney, bone marrow, nervous system and brain damage – but so does listening to a Trump press conference.’
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