The Cuprinol-coloured cadaver-in-waiting Donald Trump has announced his intention to take the Isle of Wight for the US.
A spokesman said 'That place looks like it’s been bombed mercilessly for decades. Schools, hospitals, public services – they’re all ruined. Its radicalised population must be resettled throughout neighbouring counties. Hampshire and Dorset need to step up.'
'For starters, we’re changing the name to Isle of White, because… y’know. Wight and White are homophones, but no homo, because… y’know.'
'It could really use a massive gold Trump Casino. Perhaps we could rename the Solent and carve the Donald’s face on the white cliffs.’
Plus they’ve got the Needles, so Don Jr ought to be right at home too.'