The Canadian PM announced a range of emergency measures: 'Police will have the authority to eat a banana without using their hands, try to juggle a wombat and lick their own elbows. These powers will be limited in scope but will allow them curse like pirate, pole dance with an imaginary pole and take a shower with their clothes on. Look, its an emergency, who knows what we might need to do. Maybe even Black Face on Fridays, what do ya think?'
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