"We have suspended one of ours MPs for using party funds in a way which can only be described as kind," said a Conservative Party spokes-rottweiler.
"In a despicably caring and compassionate manner, this appalling do-gooder gave a large amount of members' money to Age Concern, and another chunk to Cancer Research.
"He also handed out some small change from the constituency office kitty to some homeless people near the station. And he didn't even sneer at them or lecture them while he did so.
"This MP has disgraced the name of conservatism and he can run off and join Labour or the Lib Dems, or some other bleeding heart progressive party if he likes, but there's no room in the Tories for the likes of him.
"And if any other of our MPs are ever tempted to perform some act of kindness for the poor and vulnerable, they should think to themselves: 'what would Suella Braverman do?'"
Author - jeremynh
Image: 905513 - Pixabay