Ever since mankind started to gather together to pass water, ritual whistling has always accompanied the activity. Traditionally characterized by inattention to melody and mindless repetition, the whistling is regarded by experts as a discreet male bonding process, and a way of soothing anxieties for those who find the practice stressful. But would-be whistlers have always been faced by a dilemma. What melody should they select?
Now a major plumbing company has commissioned top musical researchers to discover the most popular tunes whistled by male public convenience users. Using hidden microphones and music recognition software, the top 10 urinator-whistled tunes have been identified. They are:
1: Moon River. This gentle melody sooths as it flows.
2: My Way. Sinatra-adjacent sophistication makes this the perfect personal choice.
3: Born Free. Another simple understated melody, perfect for the freestyle lone outdoorsman, too.
4: Michelle. Who says romance is dead?
5: The Monty Python theme: Gently humorous and nostalgic.
6: Wichita Lineman. Those repeated notes are so easy to whistle!
7: Handel’s water music. Playfully allusive.
8: Sailing. Another watery one.
9: Dock of the Bay. Channel your inner Otis!
10: Shake it all over: Surprise contender to end with.