Announcing their long-anticipated reunion today, Oasis put out a typically complex, cryptic statement to their fans.
What on earth could this series of sentences mean? We enlisted the expertise of Mike McBride, long-time Oasis fan and Professor of Cryptography and Socio-Linguistics at the University of Lunn (Formerly Lunn Poly) to help us decode the messages:
‘The Guns have Fallen Silent’: ‘A multi-layered opening sentence, very subtle, and quite obviously the work of Noel, with many possible interpretations’, noted Professor McBride, sagely.
‘It quite justifiably compares the thawing of relations between two petulant siblings with Armistice Day, 1918. Indeed, if anything, the end of warring between Noel and ‘r kid’ is even bigger, because Liam called his elder brother a total bellend in 2012 and it’s really hard to forgive that.
‘But could the guns also be a reference to Oasis’s distinctive guitar sound?’, continued McBride. ‘Will Noel’s famous Cherry-Red Gibson be ‘falling silent’ for an a Capella version of ‘Half a World Away’ on next year’s tour? Let’s hope so. Its gonna be mint’
‘The Stars Have Aligned’: What a clever sentence, also clearly penned by the lyrical genius of the outfit, Noel’, gushed McBride. ‘Of course, it clearly points to the forthcoming conjunction of Mars, Venus, Neptune and Mercury, with the inclusion of the latter planet being also a quite obvious cipher and tongue-in-cheek portent for a well deserved 2025 Mercury Prize nomination. Maybe? Definitely, I’d say’
‘The Great Wait is Over’: ‘The only contribution by Liam to the statement, and it is - predictably - a rather sad, simplistic, one dimensional line, of the quality you would expect from the less-talented younger brother’, said McBride dismissively. ‘Whilst some have suggested he may be drawing comparisons with the Great Recession, or the lost Greatness of Great Britain, it’s actually a direct reference to Tony the Tiger’s ‘They’re Grrrreeeaatt’ cry on the 1980s Frosties advert, which is Liam’s favourite breakfast cereal. Such a derivative line.’
‘Come See’: ‘Another absolutely belting sentence from Noel, what a legend he is’, noted Professor McBride. ‘Only Noel could simultaneously doff his cap to the Klimov-directed 1985 Russian anti-war film, as well as the classic children’s educational programme ‘Come Outside’, starring Lynda Baron as Auntie Mabel flying her own plane with her loyal dog Pippin. And the almost playful similarity to ‘Comme Si, Comme Sa’, as if he couldn’t give a damn. What a wordsmith he is. Apologies, I appear to have my own Morning Glory.’
‘This Will Not be Televised’: ‘Clever. Very very clever from Noel. So subtle. Just give me a minute on this one’, reflected McBride. ‘I think it means….none of the sodding shows will be televised. What, none of them? Right, I need to get my kecks on, have me sen some scran and load up the Ticketmaster app. I’m fookin madferit!’.
Photo by Yvette de Wit on Unsplash