Ground breaking research from the Institute of What You Want to Hear has found that contentment directly influences flatulence aroma.
Lead researcher on the project, Professor Diane van Windowsup confirmed, 'This is not merely a correlation between two unrelated factors, there is a direct cause and effect between happiness and flatus fragrance.
'If I may explain this in more sensible scientific terms, when one botty burps, those caught in the field of tang will appreciate the scent more if it emerges from a place of joy. Conversely, if the source of the gas pass is miserable, then it will pong like a dead cat in a bucket of sick.
'For many years, some have laboured under the misapprehension that diet is the most influential factor on perfume quality from anal broadcast. This is not so. The most important factor is the level of pleasure one is experiencing at that time.
'What this means is, if they who has dealt it also extracts delight from the sound of a rectum ripple, then the more they revel in that aural glee, the greater the positive outcome on the savour scale. It's a circular feedback loop of improvement, and also a chain reaction mechanism which can spread to others like a jolly virus.
'There is one note of caution, though. Things should not be pushed too far, so to speak. If in all the jubilation there should be a follow through event, then that can lead to a negative bouquet scenario. This then increases the danger of a downward spiral of discontent mixed with unfavourable stench, or "perfume gloom".
'But to end on a positive note...
'Oh my dear. That's what we refer to in the trade as a silent but violent. Fetch the Fabreze, Fiona.'
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