The Tour de France will start in Scotland this year and so, for the first time, will the Oxford and Cambridge Boat Race.
The Boat Race was first contested in 1829 and, to date, has always taken place on the River Thames. But 2024 marked a new low for the race as the crews battled with their opponents - and a river full of excrement. One rower said that he should have been awarded an Oxford Bloo.
So the boat clubs in Oxford and Cambridge have voted to race on the cleaner waters of Loch Ness in Scotland. And, in an obscure reference to an Alan Partridge sketch, they have invited 'all the other universities' to take part as well.
A tiny cox said, 'we'll be training on haggis and scotch to help us acclimatise. And I'm expecting some really fast rowing - just in case we get a surprise appearance by Nessie. We are encouraging our supporters to go to London anyway, as the event is not really about the rowing and more about the drinking.
‘Yard of Pimm's, anyone?'