Conservative sources have feigned shock that a massive donor is caught up in a racism scandal.
A Conservative statement said 'Oh no, we are totally surprised by this. But you don’t want us to give £10 million (back) to a racist do you? Better that we keep it. Give a racist money, they’ll be racist for a day with it. We’d rather teach society to be racist for a lifetime.'
'Let’s forgive the rich white guy. Let’s shoot Diane Abbott. After all, she did drink an M&S mojito on a train five years ago.'
A spokesman for the PM denied the donation would be spent on matching waistcoats, pocket watches and straw boaters for his barbershop quartet of Tory MPs. 'Thanks to some dodgy PPE contracts, "Rishi and the Racists" are already kitted out.'