Somerset Sunday League team Surreal Madras FC have admitted that they didn’t attend the Ballon D’Or celebrations in Paris because they felt that their captain and midfield enforcer Tesco Dave was overlooked for the main award.
Supermarket worker Dave Stone was beaten to the award by Manchester City’s Rodri, demonstrating a ‘lack of respect for this country’s best Sunday morning footballer’ according to Surreal Madras FC representatives. ‘Tesco was brilliant for us all season, and only got sent off once which was for sarcasm after asking a bespectacled ref if there was any point in him wearing glasses’.
Surreal Madras boss Steve ‘Nutter’ Chester was similarly unsuccessful in the manager category, although he did get more votes than Erik ten Hag.