The markets and the pound reacted strongly to the news that Andrew Bonar Law is now the hot favourite to succeed Thick Lizzie.
A senior member of the 1922 (BC) Committee commented:
'It is a great relief at last to be able to back unanimously a candidate who is not prone to sprouting batshit comments at the drop of a hat, has not made countless enemies (mostly inside the Tory party), and is not consistently beating the world record for reversing previous ‘set in stone’ policies. He will also be highly popular with our mostly elderly rank and file membership.'
Carping critics have pointed out that Bonar Law has been dead for nearly 100 years and is mostly known as being the Forgotten Prime Minister.
'We see this is being a bonus. Dying after less than a year in office means that he is carrying none of the Party baggage such as appeasement / racism / Suez / spy scandals / sex scandals / inflation / deflation / stagflation / backing down to the unions / greed / corruption / Brexit / Covid crimes / cronyism etc etc. Not of course forgetting total fucking incompetence.'
YouGov surveys have already identified him as being more popular than Vladimir Putin or the Black Death, who in turn are more popular than any leadership contenders or Tory MPs.
One journalist said 'Ha ha. Boner.'