TV Supervet, Sean Flaherty, has ruffled the fur of the nation's cat lovers by insisting their beloved moggies are 'sly, sneaky, self-centred little feckers that love to shit in your neighbour's flowerbeds just for the craic.'
'Cats are genetically programmed with an inbuilt sense of malice,' explains Flaherty, 'only responding to humans when their owners stand banging a can of cat food with a spoon, shouting the cat’s name in some stupid high-pitched voice they imagine is endearing.
'But once they have eaten the food, with no more to gain by even so much as acknowledging anyone’s existence, they pull the drawbridge up. Arrogant bastards. That's what they are.
'They fully understand the minefield of inter-neighbour politics and really get off on upsetting this dynamic by never shitting on their own doorsteps, but by doing their business on next door's instead.'
We spoke to Tiddles, one malicious moggy who purred, 'I love the buzz of getting my owner into trouble, by pissing in anyone else's garden but his, for example.
'Last week I caused quite a scene when he came out shouting the odds at the new next-door neighbour who had tried to shoot me with a BB gun after I shat all over then dug up his prize geraniums.
'How was I to know the neighbour is a professional wrestler and would end up knocking seven bells out of my poor ickle-wickle owner?'
Picture credit: Wix AI