In what's being seen by many commentators as an uncosted promise, PM Rishi Sunak will announce during a keynote speech guaranteed £2,000,000 single payments to everyone in the country who votes for a Tory Party candidate in the coming general election.
The upbeat, almost-billionaire, was quick to dismiss naysayers who slammed the idea a risible gimmick smacking of desperation, with the writing now clearly on the wall for his cabinet of out of touch spivs and chancers.
'Not at all,' he told a puzzled Naga Munchetty. 'This landmark bribe... err... award, I mean, is long overdue and sits firmly alongside our key back of a fag packet twin pledges to bring back National Service and the subtle-as-a brick-in-the-face-but-better-late-than-never attempt to buy off our pensioners.
'What we're naming our 'plus two million' initiative, is a great deal for the country. It's being funded from the weekly £350 million we used to give to foreigners in the EU. Now, after eight years we have a pot of £144 billion to play with. It's another Brexit win. Rule Britannia. Oh, and maybe with a bit of luck with the bunce we might even get round to fixing some potholes.'
Image by PublicDomainPictures from Pixabay
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