Still trailing in the polls, the Tory Party is desperate for a leader who is popular, affordable and ideally covered in puff pastry. With that in mind, Gregg's sausage roll has emerged as the best candidate to regenerate the country and solve our lunchtime hunger pangs.
The sausage roll is the one part of the economy that is still flourishing. Plus, Sunak has only a fraction of the appeal and nutritional value of the roll. Nobody knows whether the roll has a platform of policies but it does sit on a shelf of delights.
Easier to swallow than Sunak's agenda, the sausage roll is hoping to run unopposed. Observed one MP: 'It's hard to imagine the appeal of a load of loose meat encased in skin but he's Prime Minister now.'
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