Sources close to, but taller than, the prime-minister have reported that he is considering closing the stable doors. Defence Minister, Grant Shapps, has said that an internal enquiry should be convened and it wouldn't be appropriate to comment on suggestions to close the stable doors whilst that was underway.
"There are many options out there", said Mr Shapps, "Should we send nearby open doors to Rwanda as a deterrent to the stable doors opening? That makes sense to me. My head of department has suggested banging my head against them to check they're closed. I'm still considering that option."
A man who was kicked in the head by an escaped horse is believed to have changed his voting intentions to Tory.
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