The RSPB have announced that the 6500 stoats removed from the Orkney islands, allowing threatened birds and voles on the archipelago to flourish, have now been processed by the Home Office and rehomed in Rwanda.
'It really was the most humane thing to do,' said Cetti Warbler, head of the project. 'We met firm resistance at the idea of putting the stoats in locations on the mainland, particularly from packs of weasels - most notably the Reform Party - so when we found money left over from the previous government for the Rwanda project, it wasn't hard to change a few words in the documents and it was off to Kigali with them all.'
In Kirkwall many were delighted with the news, with local birdwatcher Angus Twitcher most vocal of them all, telling us, 'It's a great day for our feathered friends on Orkney, which means it's a boon for our tourism industry as people will -if you'll pardon the pun - flock back to see our beautiful wildlife. In fact, the only person who's upset by this is wee Jock, who'd made a deal with the new Labour government to keep them supplied with all the Ermine they needed to make new members of the House of Lords.'
Over in Kigali, manager of the Government Migrant facility Obren H'otel is getting used to his new guests. 'They're smelly, wild, and ravenous for eggs,' he remarked. 'But our staff are well prepared for that thanks to being trained at some of Benidorm's finest three-star resorts and serving the English holidaymakers.'