The Government have a radical plan to heat UK homes this winter, by goading Putin into WW3. Instead of breaking tariffs and importing costly Russian gas, we will get weapons-grade nuclear energy dropped directly on our homes - for free!
The Foreign Office insisted: 'If any elderly are still alive afterwards to complain about the cost of heating, they'll have all that lovely radiation to keep them warm. Just like the Ready Brek advert where everyone glows on the inside, but with the added benefit of bleeding from every orifice.'
Despite Russia delivering the bombs for free, householders will still need to pay UK energy providers. 'We may be faced with nuclear extinction but it's still important for shareholders to turn a profit. This may be the end of all life on earth, but nationalisation? Over my dead body!'
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