Our sneaky PM has been discovered to have experienced illicit vocal techniques during Lockdown. While others had to struggle with no contact from their beloved vocal coaches and acting teachers, Sir Keir was out getting the full Method, with a breathing exercise that would leave him gasping for more. Reports suggest he even spent Xmas Eve manipulating his tongue in a steamy one on one.
Passing the voice class off as essential work, Sir Keir refused to take questions on the matter - unless it could be done in iambic pentameter. His wife also remained tight-lipped, partly because she thought he had just popped out for milk.
Quite who is leaking these reports is unclear, either they are from an ambitious rival or an angry theatre critic. A Cabinet colleague remarked: 'Awkward, nasal, shifty - and that's after the vocal training!'