Pilots, to their surprise, encountered little resistance from the 'unemployed' enemy. Military experts are saying this could be due to it being a weekend when entire estates are pissed. 'It was a Saturday at 1am. Most local thieving and whoring operations had already been concluded. We took the claimants by surprise.'
The government has refused to confirm if and when ground operations will begin, hinting that spongers representatives may yet avert street-to-street fighting by submitting their benefits books and swearing in good faith to get Christmas jobs stacking shelves with Drambuie.
The war, which had been trailed in the incoming government's manifesto, was finally sparked by video footage of a back-related disability claimant in Padstow water skiing with two fingers waved in the direction of Westminster. The woman is understood to have been killed in the first wave of government bombing. Her family has condemned the lack of precision in the attack. 'We knew mum was a fighter in the benefits war and could suffer the consequences. But the missile took out my brother, too,' said one of the water skier's surviving children. 'The effect will be to further radicalize benefits claimants.'
International condemnation has also been swift. Leaders in Latin America have been forthright in their criticism, but they would wouldn't they. The EU has called on the UK government to pause the attacks and allow peacekeepers into Liverpool city centre, which despite having a comparatively low proportion of benefits claimants, still suffers the effects of its militant scrounging past.
A ministerial spokesman defended the action. 'If past governments had adequately addressed the issue of false ADHD bennie demands we wouldn't be seeing paratroopers rounding up smoking mums in dressing gowns at school gates.' He confirmed that mopping up operations are proceeding in an orderly fashion in Hanley, Solihull, both Newcastles, and the whole of south Wales. In off the record comments, another said, 'We will give these f*ckers a real reason to need incapacity benefits.'
Image: WixAI