A Spanish newcomer is celebrating first place in the Inappropriate Snog World Cup.
The man from Madrid stunned the unwanted heavy petting community with an unexpected victory in the grand final. Held in Sydney, a record crowd was present to witness an unbelievable strike, snatching the limelight from a tournament favourite.
'Some fit young women were present under the pretence of a kick-about, but they were very hard to catch,' said Ruis Lubblies. 'However, I forced myself to be patient until they got tired, and then picked off the one with the weakest defence.
'I struck just before the final wolf-whistle, launching an attack in the dying seconds with a clinical finish outside the box. It had to go to VAR as there was a suggestion it hadn't crossed the line, but I knew I'd pulled off a brilliant grab and smash.
'I can't wait to get home and force all of the women to attend an extraordinary meeting so as to make it seem like they all consented.
'The American was one of the favourites at the start of the tournament, but he didn't even make it past the pussy grab round. This isn't just a victory for Spain, it's a victory for all Unsolicited Smooch Associations. And I want to stand as a beacon of unacceptable behaviour to young boys everywhere.'
The next besmirching of female achievement World Cup will take place at Fulton County Jail in four to ten years.