Boris Johnson has decided to spice up his COBRA meetings, with a variety of emergency positions, designed to makes us all sweat. Normally herd immunity involves vaccinating 95% of the population, but Boris has opted for infecting 95%– as opposed to his usual policy of impregnating 95%.
The reverse cowherd will involve Boris straddling the nation, so he can control the duration and penetration of the virus. Subsequently our saucy PM has promised to keep everyone in bed – as long as it’s not an NHS one. Participants are advised to think of something boring, to avoid Dominic Cummings too soon.
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