In outlawing gluten-free bread for Holy Communion, the Bishop of Rome has decreed that those with an intolerance to wheat are in pact with the devil and should be burned in a corn-based wicker man. One Bishop whose tolerance was wafer thin, said: 'The bread itself is converted to the body and blood of Christ through transubstantiation - that's also how we make sausages.'
The Vatican has long held strict rules on diet, stemming from Jesus' own adherence to the Atkins diet - avoiding carbs every 40 days and 40 nights. In the future, all babies should be baptized in a vat of Weihenstephaner Hefeweissbier, rolled in flour and cooked in a traditional clay oven. ‘Only the devil would be unnecessarily fussy about doughnuts.’
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