Wayne Rooney has been sensationally sacked as head coach of Championship side Plymouth Argyle for not wearing argyle to a match. Even more damning, the 2-0 loss to Oxford United was televised, exposing Rooney’s sartorial gaff to some 68.35 million watching Brits. Thus the Plymouth board was left with no option but to sack the merseysider, who looks like he’s made from potatoes.
Argyle, a pattern composed of diamonds of various colors on a plain background, used in knitted garments such as socks, cardigans, sweaters (also known as pullovers, jerseys, and jumpers), and shawls, is intimately linked with the history of Plymouth Argyle. The club’s founders have a longstanding relationship with the Clan Campbell of Argyll from whose tartan the pattern loosely derives. They slaughtered them in the 19th century.
Following the sacking, Rooney has been left bemused, not a word he selected himself. Friends point out that the ex-Manchester United swearer didn’t even know what an Argyle was, has nothing against diamond patterns as a matter of principle, and only possesses shell suits. ‘This wouldn’t have happened in America,’ said a friend. ‘They have the Rooney rule.’ The Rooney rule states that no manager under contract can be fired following a two nil defeat to Oxford.
Rooney’s sacking follows the firing of Manchester United’s Erik ten Haag, who was dismissed for changing channels during a Jane Austen dramatization, Gary O Neil at Wolves being sacked for having a slightly elevated blood lipids marker, and Russell Martin, the Southampton manager who lost his job for dancing with tears in his eyes, living out a memory of a love that died..