The Reform Party today issued a demand that the mini-moon, an asteroid that has temporarily entered Earth’s orbit, ‘must be deported immediately.’ The party’s statement, posted on a hitherto unknown social media platform, went on to state that ‘this astral intruder has taken up residence in Earth’s orbit without following any of the applicable procedures, and now it is stealing valuable sunlight from the law-abiding subjects of the King.’ ‘We cannot allow such a dangerous space predator, utterly alien to hallowed Anglo-Saxon traditions, to continue to menace our planet,’ the statement added.
According to well-informed insiders, the statement papers over deep divisions within Reform. The majority of party members want the mini-moon kicked into deep space, but a vocal minority are demanding that it be towed to Rwanda. A meeting called to resolve these differences nearly descended into violence, according to a source who attended.
The content of the statement has raised eyebrows among political professionals. ‘It isn’t clear that voters are keenly focused on this issue’ opined one bewildered former Tory consultant. Others wondered where Reform’s crusade would stop. ‘They’ll be having a go at the real moon next,’ worried a Reform source who asked not to be named.
The reaction of space objects to the Reform statement was generally negative. Oumuamua, the cigar shaped object that raced through the solar system in 2017, returned a reporter’s texted inquiry with an eyeroll emoji. The Oort Cloud Association [OCA] has issued a travel advisory for Earth, warning space objects to avoid ‘all non-essential contact’ with the planet until further notice. Inquiries to the OCA on whether it planned any rescue operations for the mini-moon went unanswered as of press time.
Image: Photo by Denny Müller on Unsplash