News has leaked that the Tories have set up a new secret think tank, known as W-Tank, under the chairmanship of William Hague. Its task is to select the campaign song to lead the Party to victory in the upcoming general election.
Hague began with the amusing story that during his campaign he had to order all his team to remove from their mobile ringtones the theme from Mission Impossible. Think positive was the order of the day but songs like We Are The Champions & Simply The Best were dismissed as too clichéd and easily stolen by Labour. Likewise Won't Get Fooled Again, though everyone liked the line, Meet the new boss – same as the old boss.
Cameron's personal suggestion, Coward of the County was immediately ruled out when someone read the lyrics. One member was deeply disappointed when his suggestion Hole in the Ground was deemed too niche.
Then a buss of excitement swept the room. Yes! people said, retro-ironic enough for the yoof vote and perfect for the core pensioners. Speculation broke out over whether they could be thawed out from a cryogenic chamber or if the scratchy old vinyls would be OK. One member said he knew of a company in Rwanda which could produce shiny new remasters on state-of-the-art CDs.
Whatever, the firm favourite pro tem is Miki & Griff's version of A Little Bitty Tear Let Me Down.