A government spokeswoman confirmed: ‘We would like all future protests to be polite and non-disruptive. Mass protests are uncomfortably crowded. Chanting is just plain noisy. And all those banners have far too many split-infinitives’.
Gone are the days when humble, working folk would gather at a local castle, armed with pitchforks and a list of demands, top of which was ‘death to the beast’. Now, all gatherings must be approved in triplicate, painted in magnolia and fronted by a Care Bear.
Remarked one suffragette: ‘Letting down tires is hardly the storming of the bastille. And booing a racist is pretty tame, even for a Jim Davidson gig’.
