“We have issued arrest warrants for all 129 members of parliament at Holyrood,” said an intersex spokesperson for Police Scotland.
“This is because we cannot find good enough grounds under their Hate Crime Act to lock up J.K. Rowling, Scotland's most dangerous offender.
“If MSPs weren’t so blatantly transphobic, they would have written a section in the Act specifically ordering us to execute this hateful, slavering, she-devil children’s writer.
“We will be locking every member of the Scottish Parliament in HMP Glenochil until they pass a new law allowing us to victimise her and everyone else we are told to by Scotland’s lamentably oppressed transgender, intersex and non-binary communities."
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