A poor man has not been sighted gathering kindling, so is unlikely to receive his Winter Fuel before the Feast of Stephen. Analysis by Newsbisuit Verify suggests, Good King Wenceslas (GKW) has been grappling with looking out of his window due to the rude winds wild lament, and the bitter weather.
There has been a surge in applications for twigs and sticks since a page announced in July that Winter Fuel for this year would be mainly limited to those receiving Peasant Credit. There was a backlog of 90,000 unprocessed claims as of mid-November, with around 9,000 being processed each week, according to the latest official figures from Three Wise Men. The problem arises because no one knowst Yonder peasant. With a likely similar amount of new applications each week since then, there is a risk that there will still be a backlog of tens of thousands by the end of the year because of difficulties just finding out where, and what, their dwellings.
GKW said it had deployed 500 additional staff to bring flesh and wine and pine logs hither. However, Newsbiscuit Verify has heard from an old man who lives lives a good league hence, underneath the mountain right against the forest fence by Saint Agnes fountain. He told us he had "applied for Winter Kindling Credit in March and was still waiting for a decision". He added, "The moon shines brightly at night, the snow lays round about deep and crisp and even, and the frost was cruel. This should trigger additional emergency payments of logs, but this has been called into question due to new restrictions on wood burners. I fear my heart is failing, but I can't see get an appointment to see an NHS GP, I know not how I can go longer. The only way seems to be to mark GKW's footsteps, and tread in them boldly. That way I shall find the winters rage, and freeze my blood less coldly. Where the snow lays dinted, the heat may well be in the very sod. It is a form of primitive Medieval Heat Pump".