Following a sequence of odd choices of host nations, World Football and the International Olympic Committee have been asked to tone the corruption down a notch.
'Fair enough taking the massive bungs and everything, but please stop letting war criminals engage in sports-washing,' said Dirk van der Wereld, head screw at Hague Prison.
'Some of these tyrants take global sporting events as an invitation to whip up nationalism to fever pitch, and then as soon as it's over, go all special military exercise on neighbouring countries.
'It's like giving a massive bag of sweeties to a tearaway toddler as long as it promises not to poke the dog up its bunghole again. You know what's going to happen.
'Genocide is not the kind of track record we're looking for. And do we really want legacy to mean mutually assured destruction?'