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Oasis announce date of next split



Noel and Liam Gallagher, the on-off partnership at the heart of the band Oasis, have teased the date of their next split on social media. 


If the suggestion is true, they will split after an acrimonious and violent row backstage during their forthcoming American tour, probably once the stadium’s already full of fans who have sold their kidneys to afford tickets. However, the band’s PR manager declined to say which brother will hit the other with a guitar and which will storm out, saying we’d just have to wait and see.


The two will then spend an unspecified period sniping at each other on social media until they finally realise they need the money - sorry, that blood’s thicker than water - and reunite once again.


Asked whether knowing about the row, split and reunion in advance doesn’t mean the whole thing’s just a publicity stunt, the PR manager said, 'No, they really are that stupid,' before Liam hit him with a cricket bat. 


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