Out of the chaos of their Covid-19 strategy, the Government has finally hit upon a regulation that everyone can support – an end to your drunk Uncle singing ‘My Way’ at your wedding reception. No more will we have to listen to your preconscious 11-year-old niece butchering ‘Pie Jesu’ and anyone attempting ‘(Everything I Do) I Do It For You’ can just f$ck off.
Instead, weddings in the UK will be slightly more sombre affairs, with the bride and groom staring at each other in sullen silence – much like the next ten years of marriage. If anyone looks like doing a sneaky Whitney Houston or warming up for a cheeky Celine Dion, they will be instantly shunned by the congregation – much like Richard Dawkins. Explained one Health Official: ‘Playing instruments that are blown into should also be avoided – mainly because no one wants ‘Unchained Melody’ played on the trombone.’
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