The NHS has announced a breakthrough in its approach to preventative medicine with the launch of a range of human food, in partnership with Whiskas.
The food will be specially formulated to contain an optimum balance of nutrients for human health, unlike all the crap we shove in our faces today. There will be wet and dry versions, in four great flavours - roast beef, tikka masala, fish and chips, and generic fat-sugar blob.
Mr Tiddles, of Whiskas Human Relations Department, said: "For too long our human pets have been suffering from ill health due to a terrible diet, while we live long happy lives eating scientifically tested food that is perfect for us. And the occasional rat. This makes us sad, when we think about it anyway, plus it's inconvenient when they are too fat to fetch our meals quickly."
Gordon Ramsay of the TV Chefs Union hit back, saying "Nonsense! Smothering everything you cook in butter is good for you, and I'll deck anyone who says different. Ow! Get your claws out of me you furry little §%?@*∆"#!!".
Image: jacohe - Pixabay