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Writer's pictureThrongsman

Newsbiscuit Writer of the Month December 2024



Once again Deskpilot has topped the leaderboard by a considerable margin. Also once again we have to invoke the Wren rule which states that a writer can't be crowned Writer of the Month two months concurrently, so the virtual mug goes to Nicka for his not-too-shabby 28 points.


There are many other great scores on the board below.


Below the leaderboard is the cartoon of the month and below that the 108 headlines that were published this month.




Front Page, News in Brief and Features


antharrison



apepper




Chipchase




ChrisF






DavidH







Deskpilot










Dominic_mcg



eppursimuove









ian searle




jeremynh






Jim Skinz



Lockjaw




lostandflounder



McDabble





Midfield Diamond



Modelmaker







Nicka












Paul L



Robowurzel



Scribbles



Stewartbarclay




Sully



Sydalg



tacitus



thatwasbeast




Throngsman






Urbanhermit



Walter Eagle



Wrenfoe












Cartoon of the month goes to Lockjaw for Back home after that first term at Uni


Headlines


Adrian Bamforth   

         

Labour to announce targets on number of targets to be met

Protesters say Imran Khan's imprisonment 'just not cricket'

Scottish Met Office warns of t shirt weather


apepper   

          

Diarrhoea conference off to explosive start

Last two candidates to illustrate auction catalogue have to draw lots


bigbadbob    

     

Starmer’s targets make not one mention of the release of the sausages


billclay 


Bestselling console game in Yorkshire this Christmas is Grand Theft Pie

Saudi World Cup to be cleanest ever by combining Sports Washing & Money Laundering


Deskpilot           


Assad's toilet rolls already on Ebay

BBC expected to dial down the Gavin & Stacey stories in February

BBC refuses to comment on 'culture of silence'

Cate Blanchett's avatar worried about impact of AI

Chutney maker sacked after getting into a pickle

Chutney maker sacked after getting into a pickle

Compo results: LGBT veterans £70k - Waspi women £nil

Disorganised angler is floundering

Dr Who still not as good as it used to be

Fake skin cream contains highlyironic acid

Government introduces replacement transport minister service

Govt issues 524 page plan to address excess packaging

Illegal channel crossings stopped immediately - by legalising them

Innovative fireman blazes a trail

King takes away Cadbury's royal warrant because Flakes remind him of Andrew

Leaf collector is raking in the cash

NHS improvement plan is a sticking plaster

Obesity report recommendations carry considerable weight

Piss poor piemaker fails to earn a crust

Pizza Express loses royal warrant

Report into dodgy decorator is a whitewash

Rubble - not all it's cracked up to be

Russia keen to start a new war with Azerbaijan

Samaritans not happy with Christmas Jumper day

Shepherd decides against flock wallpaper

Singles night experience was matchless

Starmer unveils election pledge millstones

Tardis crash: investigators seek blue box flight recorder

Waspi women retire hurt


Dick Everyman  


Archbishop’s hair shirt supplier sees profits soar...

Ooh la la! Ta ra!

Wallace ‘more than qualified’ for White House chef position


Docholiday        


Man who found his window of opportunity smashes it


Doctor Chutney 


Garden centre power struggle at the heart of turf war


dominic_mcg    


Spacecraft attempts closest-ever approach to Sun just to avoid visiting relatives

Trump only invited to Notre Dame opening to play Quasimodo


eppursimuove   


Wallace led me around on all fours, says Gromit


Granger      

       

Bashar Street Kids not sure if they can celebrate yet


ian searle        

  

Dr Who fans disappointed Tom Baker wasn't elevated to the House of Time Lords

Elon Musk offers to buy Britain for Nigel Farage

Robbie Williams biopic depicting him as a chimp is rated PG

Shortage of sprouts blamed on Brussels


jeremynh     

      

I don't see why everyone's so scared of Storm Darr- aaagh!


jim Skinz       

     

Gregg Wallace to replace Prince Andrew in royal family

Single cigarette takes £1.30 off your life, say scientists

Single man with bad handwriting is UK's most illegible bachelor


jimmydodger    


Chinese spy's name revealed as Dun No Wong

Gromit accuses Wallace of grooming

Transport Secretary thrown under bus


Lockjaw


Andrew can't even send out for a Chinese now

Assad: 'I didn't run away. It was a special relocation operation'

South Korea's president: Yoo Suk Dood

Who nicked all the pies?


Lostandflounder


Crab-fishing industry feeling the pinch

Fishmonger accused of seafood abuse calls accusations 'codswallop'

Government's Handling of Sewage Leaks an utter '$hit Show'

Latest nits outbreak leaves experts scratching heads

Nudist has winning streak at local bingo

Pepper Mill Manufacture Grinds to a Halt over Christmas


mcdabble   

       

Andrew warned if there are any more mistakes he'll have to use the servant's entrance

Busy pharmacy imposes congestion charge

Cashless Society meeting cancelled when no one has coins for parking meter

Christmas: The end is in sight!

Conservatives urged to get their servants to join, to stay ahead of Reform

Labour brings in Tory cuts

Masterchef to remain on air with Wallace's head replaced by deepfake potato

Prince Andrew sweating now

Putin: Sorry someone shot down your stupid plane

Russia warns against 'thinking' after Azerbaijan Airlines crash


Midfield Diamond      

    

Wallace replaced by middle class woman of a certain age


Modelmaker     


Black Friday gun sales rise after first Thanksgiving following Trump election

Christmas farts to be 25% louder says Tesco

David Attenborough 'disappointed' the BBC wouldn’t fund series about the Wombles of Wimbledon Common


MrQ     


Diddy strongly denies Andrew was at one of his parties

Doctors strongly advise against staple diets

Missing shepherd and huge pie puts wife under suspicion

Parliamentary joint committee runs out of Rizlas

Police charge man with battery

Punchy headline writer keeps knocking them out

Quitters Anonymous disband during first meet

Ruthless bounty hunter tears confectionery shop apart

Ruthless bounty hunter tears sweet shop apart

Simpleton dazed after being struck by a thought

Starmer sets out new target to be in bed by 11pm

Woman stil


PaulL


Weight Watchers: still big in UK


rogerg  


Newport Council goes digital and installs first Fax machine


Scribbles        

    

Prince Andrew to spend Christmas at Pizza Express in Woking

Woman took time off work to have a Brazilian butt lift. Now she’s all behind


sinnick 


Farmer has harrowing experience while ploughing fields


Sketchly      

       

UK to enter Reeves-cession


SteveB 


Korea? What? Really? The good one?


stewartbarclay  


'So Nigel Farage. What first attracted you to the billionaire Elon Musk?'


Titus     


Biden declines to pardon Greg Wallace

Chinese spy denies being a friend of Prince Andrew

Church of England resigns

Labour govt. makes absolute commitment to reduce immigration 'to some extent'

NASA, very sensibly, sends probe to sun at coldest time of year

Putin defeated - in Syria

Vegetarians in conflict with 'meat, too' movement




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