The Chancellor reassured the nation that her reboot of the George Osborne franchise will be sexier than ever and that her gruel will be thinner than all the rest. Said one Labour voter: 'This is exactly what I voted for. Tory policies but with a Brit Pop soundtrack.'
Her aide explained: 'We'll put a cap on luxury goods. Not yachts. Children. And it's about time people started to pay their taxes. The billionaires? Gosh, no! I mean those disabled pensioners – hoarding all their wealth by not switching the heating on and rolling around in their gold-plated wheel chairs.
'We can only grow the economy by beating it round the the head with a baseball bat and then setting fire to it. There are no free lunches – unless you're a banker- people need tough love, fiscal discipline and rickets. A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down. Except we forget the sugar and the spoon is a fist. Open wide!'
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