An overzealous intern at Microsoft has crashed the internet, after looking for the button that switches on the aircon. Upon spying a big red button, Michaela Spark (24) plunged the world into IT chaos and still failed to cool the room. This was all despite the warning sign - 'only use in the event of the Jeffrey Epstein files being released'.
The absence of Microsoft in all our lives meant that for a brief moment, we were happy again. Birds sang, deer frolicked and we did not have to wait for another update. However, the impact on the NHS was significant, as it was still running on Windows 95 and a bootleg copy of Doom.
Microsoft reassured users that the error was only temporary and Michaela would be transferred to Reprographics. It still does not resolve the issue of how to safely switch off Microsoft, said an employee: 'We plan to use the technique we use to turn off Bill Gates - we just put him in a room with a woman who hasn't been sex trafficked.'