Extreme temperatures are expected to reach the UK later this week forcing forecasters to issue an amber alert for parts of Margate and the remote Irish village of Ballyageddon.
'5600 degrees is nothing we can’t handle’, said Kevin Fullicks, a resident of Margate. 'It’s about time we had a decent summer’.
'I was a desert rat so I’m used to the heat. Admittedly this will be a different kind of heat, the kind that can vaporise your face off if you don’t take precautions. I’ve invested in 96 bottles of factor two million sun cream for the kids so they should be alright’.
The government has urged people to behave responsibly, not to venture outside under any circumstances and try to spend as much time as they can sitting in a bath of ice water.