Several ‘opening’ events at Manchester’s Co-op Live arena have been called off, including a gig by Peter Kay who must now remember things by himself. Now the £365 million fire hazard has hit back, unveiling a trio of events which will not happen.
Lee Anderson and Nigel Farage will not perform their double act 'You can’t say anything anymore', blaming the EU and somehow trans people for 'Health and Safety gone mad'
A 'hookers and cocaine' party for Councillors, Metro Mayors and MPs who win elections for the Conservatives is scheduled for 30th February next year.
Finally, a leaving do for refugees being involuntarily jetted to Rwanda will happen on the 12th of Never. There will be party hats, streamers and a tombola where all the prizes are guidebooks to Kigali.