26-year-old Josh Williams from Braintree has grown a moustache. This proves two things. Firstly, the hairy mess perched atop his upper lip has not made him more interesting and, secondly, brains don't grow on trees.
Following a pounding on social media, ironic wolf whistles down the pub, and comment from his own mother to the tune of 'no amount of wax will sort that sh*t out', Josh has threatened to go full goatee.
Barmaid Linda Taylor said, 'What a nearly man does with his face is his own business. But if one wants to grow a face muff, then one must expect the attention of individuals who like to stick things in mouthminge.'