Men throwing bricks have clarified their position on who is allowed to kill women, how smashing high street windows makes girls safer, and what kind of murder qualifies as riot-worthy.
"Three girls knifed by a dark-skinned young man that I've seen rumours on the internet about = brick a mosque. Or a copper. They're much the same thing" explained Barry A. Clava, a spontaneously concerned member of the public. "Whereas three women shot with a crossbow by a young white man = nothing to see here. He'd probably been dumped by his girlfriend, that can make you mad, I can tell you. White women murdered by white policemen? Hmmm, that's a tricky one."
The rioters' policy analyst division, speaking between mouthfuls of Stella, suggested that ending boat-based immigration would prevent young men brought up in the UK from attacking women and girls, and starting the football season would prevent young men from rioting over criminal justice issues when there were the bastards from the neighbouring club to deal with first.
Meanwhile, riots have also erupted in Hartlepool over rumours that a monkey was involved - but it turned out that this was only Nigel Farage, as usual.
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